Ah my dear angry Lord,
Since thou
dost love, yet strike;
Cast
down, yet help afford;
Sure I will
do the like.
I will
complain, yet praise;
I will
bewail, approve:
And all
my sour-sweet days
I will
lament, and love.
Living as a Christian is difficult because there is
suffering when we serve, regardless of its shape or size. And if we are honest,
I do not think most people enjoy pain. True, if we look past the temporality of
anguish, disappointment and loneliness, there is a reason, there is the hope of
the resurrection where everything will be made right. However, it sometimes
seems so far away. And when I consider the sins I struggle with daily; when I consider
the lack of passion in my evangelism, a little corner of my heart cries in
despair – wanting all this to end – because the call to give my life in service
to the Gospel and to others is a burden greater than I can bear.
Yet,
maybe that is the plot set out for me: that I do not find belonging nor
acceptance; that I silently plough fields, not staying long enough to see the
harvest before I have to move on. Well, if that is my lot, so be it then. It is
not an inconsistency in God’s character to assign me this road. Herbert
sustains a tension between ease and discomfort throughout the poem; in almost
every line there is a clash seemingly opposite actions or characteristics. So I
do pray that like the persona in Herbert’s poem, ‘I will lament, and love’ ‘all
my sour-sweet days.’
Though the
outside world will not hear the silent sobs of disheartened hearts, our God
listens; and though he strikes, He loves and reveals that love through the death
of His Son on a wooden Cross.
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