On The Road To The Airport

On the road to the airport

Heading towards my moment of glory

Leaving third world deficiencies

For greener pastures on yonder hills.

We who leave, are like Argives and Trojans

Battling for glory and armour

Blind towards the carnage and death

Wrecked around them.

What I see when the stamps before my eyes are removed

Are men sweating to make ends meet,

Migrant slaves struggling to eke out a living in a foreign land

Young men resigned to lives of hard labour for want of education

Women young and old working to put bread on their kitchen tables.

Yet here I am, insolent fool

The world seemingly at my beck and call,

Nothing to stop my march, or so I think. 

May this thrilled heart be sobered up, 

Not cut off in academia

From the brutal reality 

Of the road to the airport.

On Scholarships and Expectations

I had a chat with my father on the eve of departing to the UK with a fine scholarship tucked under my belt – not having a lot of financial cares to burden my family. And as we were reflecting on God’s goodness, thoughts about others less fortunate came crowding into my mind and the sobering reality that for one who has received so much, there are many others who are not given such an opportunity.

What with personal expectations of people nowadays driven sky-high by the too idealistic and illusory dream that success – material success awaits anyone who simply need to desire it enough, disappointment at not getting what we wished or aimed for can be devastating.

Perhaps it is easy for me to write about this. Indeed, perhaps I have not gone through those heart or spirit-breaking disappointments that render one incapable of caring about anything or anyone anymore.

Yet I have realised that we as human beings have no right to expect that things will turn out good for us. Us – rebels against the rightful Ruler of the universe, puny mortals establishing autonomy from the Eternal One. It is our doom to be overthrown by Him – to suffer, die and be eternally separated from all that is good.

But the greatest good was given to the worst of creation – forgiveness and acceptance for the wretch through the suffering and death of Jesus - God's own Son. 

So now our expectations are transformed – the focal point of our lives is shifted back to God. We should not expect what the world tells us to expect. Not material success, not popularity, not the best grades, not the best university.

The humbling lesson of remembering my inadequacies and disqualifications despite all the good I have received is the pin that pricks that selfish bubble and allows me to see things from an eternal perspective.

This life is not about my expectations and dreams and whether I fulfil them, it is about surrendering all the rights of my life to Him whom they rightfully belong.

Leaving

I think leaving is a significant part of people’s lives, especially when they leave for someplace far and for something new. Different places often represent different stages of life.

For example, in Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, we start at Gateshead – the beginning of Jane Eyre’s story and travel to Lowood where she grows up and then to Thornfield where she matures and then end up at Ferndean where she settles and the bildungsroman ends. She encounters challenges at each location peculiar to the circumstances she finds herself in. That is what makes her life story interesting.


I now embark on my own journey of discovering that elusive phantom called ‘the self’ and I am hoping the adventure to be an exciting one – fraught with thrills and dangers, sadness and gladness. After seeing so many pictures of friends leaving the country, I am almost numb to that sensation of departing – that mixed emotions of anxiety and anticipation.


Yet in my last few days in Johor Bahru, Malaysia; in my last few farewells, I find that leaving will be difficult. Saying goodbye – though we have facebook, skype and whatsapp to ensure that we stay connected, will not be an easy task. Perhaps all these emotions will fade as my plane brings me inexorably away from home and to a fascinating new environment.


I don’t know what awaits me at Durham University. I don’t know what awaits my family who are still in Malaysia and I don’t know what awaits my friends who are either going overseas or remaining here in Malaysia. Yet there is comfort. I know that we are united in Christ and that ultimately we will see each other and be with each other in Christ. That is the great gathering – the great banquet feast that will, I hope, help me remember that I’m not alone, I’m not separated from the people I love – not because there is social media, but because of what Christ has done for us ‘but now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.’ (Ephesians 2: 13).

The true separation is no more, and leaving will be merely a temporary parting of ways, till we return to the one who gave His life to save us.